What I'm about to tell you may come as a surprise. Some of you will refuse to accept it. Some will continue to live in denial because, as they say, ignorance is bliss. So without further ado, here it is...
I don't know everything.
In fact, I don't know most things. When compared to the total knowledge base out there in the world, lets face it, I know less than nothing. So why does it come as a surprise to those nearest and dearest, to family and friends, to all and sundry that I don't have all the answers???
Where are we going? What's the plan? How much longer? Where's "X"? or Why? Why, why, why? Why isn't there anymore "Z"? Actually, I know the answer to that one - it's because you used it all and didn't tell anyone or didn't buy anymore. But here's the answer to all of the above and so many more questions:
I... DON'T... KNOW
Or as I like to specify in my best southern Italian accent... BOH.
This is not actually a word, more of a sound, but it's always accompanied by a shrug of the shoulders and usually a raising of the hands in a gesture of confusion - it loosely translates as:
"My dearest companion,
Alas and alack, 'twould appear that I am not in possession of the required information to furnish you with an answer at this moment. Sadly, I am not even able to hazard a guess that would satisfy your curiosity and slake you thirst for an answer. I beseech thee, nay, I throw myself to the floor and lay, prostrate as I beg thee to bestow forgiveness and mercy upon me for failing you so pitifully."
Alternatively it could also translate as a good old fashioned Aussie - Dunno (for those of you that speak 'Stralian)
So when the "I don't know" doesn't work and the "BOH" is met with looks of "just tell us", I have no option but to default to PLAN B - Making shit up. Yes, you heard it first here, I will admit that from time to time, I have just created answers, and fabricated explanations. As long as it's delivered confidently, no-one questions it. When one more block becomes 10 more, and the question is re-asked - how much further? the answer is still one more block. When I'm asked why there is no more coke left in the fridge, it's because "Fred" drank it all - where "Fred" is replaced by the name of the person that isn't in the room at that moment in time. Or it may involve a little more wishful thinking on my part: You can't keep pressing the button at the lights because it reset the walk signal and you'll be waiting there all day (sorry kids). Or, in the country the hot water doesn't turn on until 10am so we all have cold showers in the morning (apologies Trudy). Or, you have to close the door to stop the wi-fi from escaping (many thanks to Jeff for letting me borrow that one).
So, there you have it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't know the answers to all your questions and I'm sorry that I on occasion may provide an answer that could mislead you. Please rest assured that I will try and find the information where possible, if convenient (thank you Google). But if I have explained to you that I don't know, or if I've given you an answer that you don't accept, and you keep asking, you will get either an educated guess - or a fantastical myth, depending on my mood and level of education on the subject.
Either way, peace has now been restored to our lives and you seem content, and really - isn't that what its all about?