So, it’s been a while… Like you there has been much happening in my life. We are all so very busy, meeting deadlines, meeting expectations, or doing the do. When I talk to friends and family and ask whats been happening, the usual response is not much, just work, or just life. But are we really living? We are to busy meeting the needs of our jobs or our commitments that we don’t have time to actually meet the people that matter, to meet our own expectations for ourselves or to do what we truly want to do.

Even something as simple as organising a catch up with those we care abut can be a logistical nightmare. I’ve got something on that night, or I’ll be at “x” that day. It used to be a week or two before you could get together, now it seems we are planning things months in advance and even then they fall through because of unforeseen circumstances or obligations or the inevitable crash. I confess, I’ve been guilty of cancelling because I’ve packed too much in and desperately need some quiet time. Sadly, it’s those closest to us that often end up with the cancellation because they “get us” and they’ll understand. Or in the worst case, we cancel on ourselves, dropping the things that are important to us, the things that excite us or bring us balance. We are so busy doing and ticking boxes, meeting other peoples expectations and demands, no matter how trivial, that we forget to just be. We forget to actually LIVE.

So here I am, about to turn 48, having had a very busy and stressful 2 years full of upheaval, setting a new course into unchartered waters. I’ve been leaning towards it for a few years now but felt guilty about taking that leap, caught in thoughts of how it would impact those around me, thoughts of how selfish I was being, thoughts of letting everyone down. But there comes a point in your live when you can’t just drift through anymore.

And so, I have decided to live my life, not just go through the motions, but actually live… consciously… meaningfully… intentionally… deliberately…

Yes I have made steps towards this over the last few years, but now, I am looking at wholesale change. Will it be uncomfortable? Hell yes! Will I question my choices? Sometimes yes, but I will not make them flippantly so I am prepared to live with their consequences. Will I have to let go to some of the things I’ve accumulated and clutched onto over a lifetime? Definitely, but they are only things, and they only have as much meaning as I give them. And that small voice, the one that has been sitting so quietly, waiting for the silence, that voice that whispers at night when the world sleeps…

What about the people?

Well, they will still be there, the ones that matter, the ones that hold a place in my heart, they will not disappear, the interactions may change and the schedules may alter, but they will be there. Except…

Except? it whispers quietly…

Except the ones that don’t. There are some people, sadly, that bring us nothing but pain, to those I wave goodbye and wish them well on their journey. A journey that I, unapologetically, will not be a part of. I have my own path to travel and it will be filled with the amazing collection of family and friends that bring out the best in me.

So it’s going to be a long and winding path. I will stop and smell the roses, hell, I’ll stop and plant the roses on occasion too. There will be times when you will question why I am doing what I am doing, but understand, it is the right thing for me, and for those around me. No, I am not going to live on an ashram (my Yiddish is terrible) and I am not running away to join the circus (I can’t even balance a bicycle properly) but I am being me. That may horrify some people and send others into fits of laughter, but there are some out there, some that will quietly (or not so quietly) cheer, they will wish me well on my journey and join me from time to time along the road.

So here’s to a deliberate life, one filled with love and laughter, with helping others, with making the world a better place. A life filled with wonder and with the quiet moments that matter. A life worth living. Come walk with me.