I want something. I know not what I yearn for but the yearning is there nevertheless. Don't get me wrong, I have an idea of what it is, but I don't know if it is that which I want, or my idea of what that will bring with it. What if I do not know my own mind?
So this yearning for… lets call it chocolate, this yearning for chocolate will not leave my mind. It has been there for years. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of chocolate. Some days it’s a passing thought, other days its a deep seated need and I cannot clear my mind of it at all. Some days, I can smell it, I can taste it, it’s that real. But what if I don’t need or even really want chocolate? What if what I want is the illusion of chocolate? The euphoria and joy that chocolate promises? What if the chocolate is not as I expected? What if I, with the addition of chocolate experience no change at all. What if what needs to change is me? Too many what if’s.
Will chocolate make me happier? Will life be better or even any different once I have chocolate? Will I just work through the cycle and want something else? Why is the chocolate a special blend that I can’t easily get? Why is it all so damned hard?
I have no answers, I truly wish I did. Time for , well, chocolate, and yes sometimes chocolate really is just chocolate.